Wednesday, March 19, 2014


Excuse me, God?  Are You there?  

Where are You?...  God?  I can't find You?  I know it is early in the morning, May 5, 2010, but I need You, God.  I need You, right now!  It is so cold here.  This building is just too unfamiliar and bright.  The stark lights reflecting off the surface of the spotless floors feel all empty and vacant.  All these strangers in white coats are rushing about, preparing to perform some critical procedure.  This place is full of activity,... yet it feels empty.  

I'm alone.

God?  Can You come soon?  It's still freezing in this giant empty structure while we wait.  Hold on...who is this?  Oh, oh, wait....  Oh, so this is the specialist who is about to insert two wires in my hotthubby's tender-loving heart and place a small computer under his handsome colarbone.  What?!  No, no, NO!... He did NOT just say that!  Wait, what?...!  What did you just say to me?  This new thing that is life-threatening, this Brugada, is heriditary!?  You say we need to have our children checked for this?!  

Oh, God.  I'm scared.  

Excuse me, God?  Anytime now, I need You!  They just wheeled him down this long, stark hallway and he disappeared into that room.  It's so cold here, where are You?  What will I do while I wait.

And, wait...alone.

Knowing the surgery would be hours, I figure that perhaps food would be important.  Over the last week, I keep forgetting to eat.  After calling to check on the children and updating family, I find myself roaming into the hospital cafeteria.  

I'm afraid.

Still virtually empty from the early morning hours, I walk through the line in a daze and pull out the only thing for breakfast that sounds remotely appetizing. Sitting down at a booth, I stare into my bowl of cereal.  Oh God, what else?  I began to sob into my breakfast.  For the longest time, our quiet table in the cafeteria is just me, You, a bowl of soggy Cocoa Puffs...

...and Pastor Andrew.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, 
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9
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